By Trent Carter
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Most excuses have a little truth in them.
You're tired.
You don't have enough time.
You've been through a lot.
Someone treated you unfairly.
You don't have the resources you wish you had.
The timing isn't ideal.
You tried before and it didn't work.
All of those things can be true.
But here's the problem: something can be a valid explanation for why you're struggling and still become an excuse for why you never change.
At some point, you have to decide whether you're going to keep explaining why you can't move forward or start figuring out what you can do with what you have.
Because the life you want isn't going to show up simply because you have good reasons for not pursuing it.
Click here for my free ‘Excuses Delay The Life You Want’ worksheet
Excuses Usually Make Sense
We tend to think of excuses as ridiculous things people make up because they're lazy.
Usually, they're more complicated than that.
Sometimes an excuse begins as a legitimate obstacle. You really are busy. Money really is tight. You really did have a difficult childhood. Your last relationship really did hurt you. You really are overwhelmed.
Those things matter.
But eventually, you have to ask yourself whether you're using your circumstances to understand your situation or to remain stuck in it.
There's a big difference.
Understanding why you behave a certain way can be incredibly helpful. It can give you insight into patterns, triggers, fears, and habits that need attention.
But understanding why you do something isn't the same as giving yourself permission to keep doing it forever.
At some point, awareness has to become action.
"I'll Start When..." Can Last Forever
One of the easiest ways to delay change is to wait for the perfect time.
I'll start when work slows down.
I'll start Monday.
I'll start after the holidays.
I'll make the appointment when things settle down.
I'll work on my health when I'm less stressed.
I'll deal with my finances when I'm making more money.
I'll get serious about recovery when life isn't so chaotic.
The problem is that life has a habit of staying complicated.
There will always be another busy week, unexpected expense, stressful situation, family problem, work deadline, or reason why today isn't convenient.
If you wait for a season when everything lines up perfectly, you may be waiting for a very long time.
Sometimes you have to start in the middle of the mess.
You don't need the perfect circumstances.
You need a first step.
Excuses Protect Us From Discomfort
There's a reason excuses are so appealing.
They protect us.
If I tell myself I don't have time to try, I don't have to risk failing.
If I say I'm not ready to have the conversation, I don't have to experience the discomfort of having it.
If I convince myself that nothing will work anyway, I don't have to risk being disappointed again.
Excuses can give us short-term relief from fear, uncertainty, embarrassment, and discomfort.
But that relief comes with a cost.
You avoid the uncomfortable conversation, but the relationship doesn't improve.
You avoid looking at your finances, but the debt doesn't disappear.
You avoid making the appointment, but the problem is still there.
You avoid trying because you're afraid to fail, but you also eliminate any possibility of succeeding.
Avoidance feels easier today.
Tomorrow is usually where you pay for it.
Recovery Requires Moving Beyond Excuses
Recovery is one area where excuses can become especially costly.
There will always be a reason not to start.
Maybe you're afraid of what people will think. Maybe you've tried treatment before. Maybe you're worried about taking time away from work or family. Maybe you don't believe things have gotten "bad enough" yet.
Or maybe you genuinely want to change, but you're waiting to feel ready.
The truth is that many people don't feel completely ready when they begin recovery.
They start because they recognize that continuing in the same direction is costing them more than changing direction.
Recovery doesn't require you to have everything figured out. It requires enough willingness to take the next step.
That might mean calling a treatment provider.
It might mean showing up for an appointment.
It might mean being honest with someone about what's happening.
It might mean accepting medication, counseling, peer support, or another tool that you've resisted before.
You don't have to solve your entire life today.
But you do have to stop using tomorrow as the place where change always happens.
Responsibility Is Different From Blame
People sometimes resist taking responsibility because they hear it as blame.
Those are not the same thing.
There may be things in your life that were absolutely not your fault.
You didn't choose what happened to you.
You didn't choose the family you were born into.
You couldn't control every opportunity you were given or denied.
You can't control how other people behave.
Acknowledging those realities isn't making excuses. It's being honest.
But even when something wasn't your fault, you may still be responsible for deciding what happens next.
That's not always fair.
It's still true.
You can spend years wishing someone else would repair the damage they caused, or you can decide that your future is too important to leave in their hands.
Taking responsibility doesn't mean saying, "Everything that happened was my fault."
It means saying, "What I do next is my responsibility."
That shift can change everything.
Pay Attention to the Excuses You Repeat
Most of us have a few favorite excuses.
They're the ones we return to over and over because they sound reasonable enough that we rarely challenge them.
I'm too busy.
I'm just not good at that.
That's how I've always been.
I don't have enough money.
I'm waiting until I'm more confident.
I work better under pressure.
Nobody ever helps me.
I already tried that.
Listen to the things you say repeatedly.
Then ask yourself a harder question:
Is this actually preventing me from moving forward, or is it making me feel better about not moving forward?
You may not like the answer.
That's okay.
The goal isn't to beat yourself up. The goal is to become more honest about what's standing between you and the life you say you want.
Sometimes the obstacle is real.
Sometimes the obstacle is the story you've been telling yourself about the obstacle.
You Don't Need to Feel Ready
People put a lot of importance on feeling ready.
I don't think readiness works the way we want it to.
Sometimes confidence comes after action, not before it.
You apply for the job before you're completely confident you're qualified.
You walk into the gym while still feeling uncomfortable.
You attend the first appointment while you're nervous.
You have the difficult conversation without knowing exactly how it will go.
You start the project before you have every detail figured out.
Then you learn.
You adjust.
You get a little better.
And eventually, something that once felt intimidating becomes normal.
If you wait until fear disappears before doing anything difficult, you're giving fear a lot of control over your life.
Courage isn't the absence of discomfort.
Sometimes courage is simply deciding that discomfort doesn't get the final vote.
Small Actions Beat Big Intentions
Most people have good intentions.
They intend to improve their health.
They intend to save money.
They intend to spend more time with their family.
They intend to stop drinking or using substances.
They intend to apply for the job, start the business, apologize, make the appointment, or finally deal with the problem they've been avoiding.
Intentions feel productive because they point toward something better.
But intentions without action don't change much.
A small action today is worth more than a perfect plan you never start.
Make the call.
Send the email.
Schedule the appointment.
Walk for ten minutes.
Ask the question.
Fill out the application.
Tell someone you need help.
Do something that moves the situation forward.
It doesn't have to be impressive.
It just has to be real.
Stop Negotiating With Yourself
We waste a lot of energy negotiating with ourselves about things we've already decided are important.
You know you need to do something, but instead of doing it, you start building a case for why today should be the exception.
I'm tired.
I'll do it tomorrow.
Today was stressful.
Missing once won't matter.
Sometimes that's true. Rest is necessary. Plans need to change. Life happens.
But if the exception becomes the routine, you have a problem.
Every time you constantly renegotiate commitments you've made to yourself, you weaken your trust in your own word.
Eventually, you stop believing yourself when you say, "This time I'm serious."
The way you rebuild that trust isn't through another big promise.
It's through follow-through.
Do the thing you said you were going to do, especially when nobody else is checking.
Your Next Step Doesn't Have to Be Huge
Sometimes we create excuses because the change we're imagining feels too big.
If you think you need to completely transform your life overnight, of course you're going to feel overwhelmed.
So make the target smaller.
You don't have to fix your health today. Schedule the appointment.
You don't have to solve your entire financial situation. Look at the numbers.
You don't have to repair a relationship in one conversation. Start the conversation.
You don't have to know exactly what the next five years of your career will look like. Update the resume.
You don't have to have recovery figured out forever.
Focus on today.
Big changes are usually collections of small decisions made consistently.
Stop worrying so much about whether today's action is big enough.
Ask whether it moves you forward.
Be Careful With Your Own Story
The stories we tell ourselves become powerful.
If you repeatedly tell yourself that you're unlucky, incapable, too old, too young, too busy, too damaged, or just "not that kind of person," eventually you start making decisions that support the story.
You stop trying.
You avoid opportunities.
You interpret setbacks as proof that you were right.
Then the story becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Challenge it.
Instead of saying, "I'm terrible at this," try asking, "What would I need to learn to get better?"
Instead of, "I don't have time," ask, "Is this important enough for me to make time?"
Instead of, "Nothing has worked," ask, "What haven't I tried yet?"
Better questions create better options.
Your Future Is Being Built Right Now
It's easy to think about your future as something far away.
But you're building it today.
Your routines are building it.
Your habits are building it.
The conversations you're avoiding are building it.
The decisions you're making when nobody is watching are building it.
And yes, the excuses you're accepting are building it too.
Every excuse has a cost.
Usually, the cost isn't obvious today. That's why excuses are so easy to accept.
The cost shows up later in opportunities you didn't pursue, problems you allowed to grow, relationships you didn't repair, and changes you kept promising yourself you'd eventually make.
You don't need to spend your life feeling guilty about every opportunity you've missed.
You need to decide what you're going to do now.
Start Before You Run Out of Excuses
You will always be able to find a reason to wait.
There will always be something that could be easier, more convenient, or better timed.
You can spend years collecting perfectly reasonable explanations for why your life hasn't changed.
Or you can start.
Start tired.
Start nervous.
Start without all the answers.
Start after you've failed before.
Start with less time, money, confidence, or support than you wish you had.
Just start somewhere.
Then take another step.
The life you want probably isn't going to be created by one enormous decision. It's going to be created through hundreds of smaller decisions where you stop choosing the excuse and start choosing the action.
Your circumstances matter.
Your challenges matter.
Your past matters.
But none of them have to make every decision about your future.
At some point, the question becomes less about why you haven't started yet and more about what you're willing to do today.
Excuses can make staying where you are easier to explain.
They won't get you where you want to go.
-Trent
About Trent Carter
Trent Carter is a clinician, entrepreneur, and addiction recovery advocate dedicated to transforming lives through evidence-based care, innovation, and leadership. He is the founder of Renew Health and the author of The Recovery Tool Belt.
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