Why You’re Stuck (and What to Do About It)
By Trent Carter
Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | TikTok
The Three Self Sabotage Patterns That Keep People from Changing
Feeling stuck is one of the most frustrating human experiences. You can see what needs to change, you know what you want, and maybe you have even tried to move forward. But somehow you keep ending up in the same place.
You start strong, then stall. You plan, then procrastinate. You make progress, then find yourself back in old patterns wondering what went wrong.
If that sounds familiar, you are not broken. You are human.
Everybody gets stuck. The difference between people who stay there and people who move forward is not luck or talent. It is awareness and action. You cannot change what you refuse to see. Most of the time, what keeps us stuck is not a lack of effort. It is quiet self sabotage hiding inside our habits.
In both recovery and leadership work, I see the same three patterns over and over. They are sneaky but powerful. Once you can name them, you can begin to break them.
Click here for my free ‘Why You’re Stuck’ worksheet
Pattern One: Waiting for Perfect Conditions
This one looks responsible on the surface. It sounds like planning. It feels smart. You tell yourself:
“I will make a change when work slows down.”
“I will start once I feel more confident.”
“I will have that hard conversation when things calm down.”
It sounds logical. It is actually avoidance.
Life does not hand out perfect conditions. There is no magical day on the calendar when fear disappears and energy suddenly appears. Waiting to feel ready is really waiting for permission. And life is not going to give you that.
In the clinic, I see this all the time. Someone says they want recovery, or change, or growth, but there is always one more thing they need to line up first. The delay becomes the trap. The longer you wait, the heavier starting feels.
How to break it:
Start before you feel ready. Readiness is not an emotion. It is a decision. Movement builds courage, not the other way around.
Shrink the first step. If change feels huge, make it small. Send one message. Schedule one appointment. Speak one sentence of truth. You do not need to flip your whole life. You just need to move.
Focus on the effort, not the outcome. Your job is to show up, not to guarantee a perfect result. Progress comes from motion, not from mental rehearsals.
In recovery, there is a saying: you cannot think your way into right action, but you can act your way into right thinking. The same rule applies to growth. Action creates clarity.
Pattern Two: Confusing Movement with Progress
Some people are not stuck because they are doing nothing. They are stuck because they are doing everything except what actually matters.
They attend every training. They chase every new idea. They fill their time with tasks that look productive but do not touch the root issue. Activity becomes a costume for avoidance.
On the outside, it looks impressive. On the inside, nothing changes.
This shows up in leadership as teams buried in meetings, reports, and busywork while the real problems go untouched. In recovery, it looks like someone changing jobs, locations, or relationships but refusing to face their internal pain.
How to break it:
Get honest about outcomes. Ask yourself, “Is what I am doing really moving me forward, or is it helping me dodge what I need to face?”
Simplify your focus. Cut tasks that do not serve your top priorities. Choose the few actions that create real impact, even if they are uncomfortable.
Measure what matters, not just motion. Are you closer to peace, health, healing, or purpose? Or just more exhausted and busy?
Busyness is easy. Progress is intentional. When you stop worshiping motion and start choosing direction, you stop spinning and start moving.
Pattern Three: The All or Nothing Trap
This pattern has taken out more progress than failure ever has.
It sounds like this:
“If I cannot do it perfectly, I will not do it at all.”
“If I missed a day, the whole streak is ruined, so why bother?”
It looks disciplined. It is actually fear dressed up as standards.
Perfectionism convinces you that anything less than flawless is worthless. So you stop trying, or you quit the minute you slip. You do not see the process. You only see the scorecard.
In recovery, this pattern can be deadly. Someone has one slip and decides they have destroyed everything. The truth is different. Recovery is built through messy, imperfect restarts, not through one unbroken streak.
The same is true for building a business, rebuilding trust, getting healthy, or working on yourself. Change is not a straight line. It is a series of returns.
How to break it:
Redefine what winning looks like. Success is not perfection. Success is persistence. It is the ability to keep coming back.
Expect setbacks. Do not be surprised by them. Plan for them. Decide ahead of time how you will respond when you miss a day or make a mistake.
Look at your averages, not your perfect days. You do not need a flawless record. You need more aligned days than misaligned ones. Consistency beats intensity.
The moment you stop demanding perfection from yourself, real growth becomes possible again.
Why Change Feels So Hard
Change is not just about behavior. It is about identity.
When you start to act differently, your brain has to rewrite the story it believes about you. And your brain does not like that. It is wired to prefer familiar pain over unfamiliar freedom.
That is why people stay in jobs that drain them, in relationships that hurt them, and in patterns that limit them. The known feels safer than the unknown.
You cannot outthink that resistance. You have to move through it. That requires honesty, courage, and repetition.
Awareness is the first step. Action is the second. You need both.
The Emotional Side of Self Sabotage
Self sabotage is not random. It is emotional.
Fear says, “If you try and fail, it will hurt.”
Shame says, “You are not capable of change.”
Guilt says, “You do not deserve peace.”
So you wait, delay, overwork, overthink, or shut down. The patterns protect you from discomfort and keep you stuck at the same time.
To break them, you have to name what you are feeling instead of avoiding it.
Ask yourself:
What am I afraid might happen if I actually change?
What do I secretly gain from staying stuck?
What emotion am I trying not to feel by staying busy or frozen?
When you name it, you shrink it. Emotion that is acknowledged can be managed. Emotion that stays hidden silently drives your choices.
The Role of Environment
You can be committed to growth and still be held in place by where and who you are around.
Your environment includes your people, your systems, your home, your habits, and your digital world. You cannot outwork an environment that constantly pulls you backward.
If your circle normalizes staying small, growth will feel like betrayal. If your daily setup creates distraction, discipline will feel impossible.
Ask yourself:
Who are the people closest to me, and are they helping me grow or keeping me comfortable?
Does my physical space support change, or does it anchor me to old patterns?
Are my daily routines built for my future or built to maintain my past?
Sometimes the first honest step toward change is not working harder. It is changing the environment that keeps you repeating the same story.
The Power of Micro Movement
When you feel stuck, you will not move by force. You will move by permission. The permission to start small.
Change rarely starts with huge dramatic shifts. It starts with one honest action repeated until it feels normal.
One call.
One boundary.
One appointment.
One journal entry.
One walk.
Micro movement is not about lowering the bar forever. It is about rebuilding trust. Every small action becomes evidence that you can change. Enough evidence becomes confidence. Confidence becomes momentum.
You do not have to sprint. You just have to stop standing still.
The Freedom in Responsibility
There is a moment in every real change process where you stop pointing outward and start looking inward.
That moment is not about blame. It is about power.
You did not choose everything that happened to you. But you are the only one who can choose what you do next. Responsibility is not punishment. It is freedom. It means you do not have to wait for anyone else to fix it for you.
In recovery, this is the turning point. When someone accepts responsibility for their choices, they reclaim their ability to choose differently. The same is true in leadership, relationships, and personal growth.
Responsibility is the doorway to freedom.
How to Get Unstuck
Let us make this simple and practical. When you feel frozen, try this:
Pause and notice.
Ask yourself which pattern is active. Are you waiting for perfect timing, staying busy to avoid the real work, or trapped in all or nothing thinking?
Regulate your state.
Take a few slow breaths. Step outside. Move your body for a minute. Calm your nervous system before you problem solve.
Choose one action.
Not ten. One. Send the message. Schedule the appointment. Write the first line. Have the conversation. The smaller the better.
Record the movement.
Write down what you did. Track your momentum. Progress you can see is easier to sustain.
Invite support.
Tell someone what you are working on. Ask them to check in. Accountability accelerates everything.
You do not need the whole path figured out. You just need to take the next turn.
A Personal Reflection
There have been seasons in my life where I knew exactly what needed to change but I could not seem to move. I told myself I was waiting for the right time. I called it planning. In reality, I was stuck in these same patterns.
I waited for better conditions. I confused busyness with progress. I quit when I slipped instead of adjusting and continuing.
Everything shifted when I got honest about that. I stopped waiting to feel ready. I stopped trying to look productive and started choosing what actually mattered. I stopped chasing perfect and focused on showing up again and again.
Change did not show up in one big moment. It showed up in a hundred small ones. One decision at a time. One step at a time.
That is still how it works.
Closing Thoughts
Feeling stuck does not mean you are incapable. It means your current patterns have reached their limit.
Self sabotage is not a life sentence. It is an old survival strategy that no longer fits who you are becoming. Once you can see it, you can outgrow it.
You will probably never get perfect timing, permanent motivation, or flawless execution. What you can get is movement. Awareness plus action. Honesty plus responsibility.
You do not have to be fearless to move forward. You just have to be willing to move even while fear is still talking.
You are not as stuck as you feel. The power to move has been yours the whole time. One small action at a time is how you take it back.
-Trent
About Trent Carter
Trent Carter is a clinician, entrepreneur, and addiction recovery advocate dedicated to transforming lives through evidence-based care, innovation, and leadership. He is the founder of Renew Health and the author of The Recovery Tool Belt.
Build Your Recovery Toolkit
Want a deeper dive into proven strategies for lasting recovery?
Grab your copy of The Recovery Tool Belt — an actionable guide packed with real-world tools, patient stories, and step-by-step support.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Connect with Trent’s team at Renew Health for personalized, evidence-based addiction recovery care: