Learn to Listen Before You Lead
By Trent Carter
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Leadership is often associated with speaking.
We picture the person at the front of the room giving direction, making decisions, solving problems, and telling everyone where they need to go next. Those things are certainly part of leadership, but some of the most important work a leader does happens before they say anything at all.
They listen.
Listening sounds simple, but doing it well takes practice. It means paying attention without immediately preparing your response. It means asking questions when you think you already know the answer. It means being willing to hear things that are uncomfortable, inconvenient, or different from what you expected.
If you want people to trust your leadership, they first need to know that you are willing to hear them.
Click here for my free ‘Listen Before You Lead’ worksheet
You Cannot Lead People You Do Not Understand
Every person brings a different perspective to the table. They have different experiences, strengths, concerns, motivations, and ways of seeing a problem.
As a leader, you will never have access to all of that information on your own.
The people doing the work every day often see problems before leadership does. They know which processes are frustrating, where communication breaks down, what patients or customers are saying, and which seemingly small issues are becoming bigger ones.
If we are too busy giving direction to hear those perspectives, we lose valuable information.
Good leadership requires understanding what is actually happening, not just what we assume is happening. Listening helps close that gap.
Listening Is Not the Same as Agreeing
One reason people struggle with listening is because they think hearing someone out means agreeing with them.
It does not.
You can listen carefully to someone's concerns and still make a different decision. You can understand their perspective without sharing it. You can acknowledge that someone is frustrated without agreeing with every conclusion they have reached.
The goal of listening is not to make everyone happy. That is impossible, especially in leadership.
The goal is to make sure people have been heard and that you understand the information available before deciding what comes next.
Sometimes you will listen and change your mind. Other times you will listen and make exactly the same decision you were already planning to make. Both can be good leadership.
What matters is that you were willing to hear the other perspective before deciding.
Ask Better Questions
Good listening often starts with better questions.
When someone brings you a problem, it can be tempting to immediately start solving it. Leaders are often rewarded for being decisive, so our instinct is to jump straight to an answer.
But before you offer a solution, ask a few more questions.
What is actually happening?
How long has this been an issue?
What have you already tried?
What do you think would make this better?
Is there something I am missing?
Questions like these accomplish two things. First, they give you more information. Second, they communicate that you value the other person's perspective.
You may discover that the solution you were about to offer would not have solved the real problem at all.
Do Not Listen Just to Respond
Most of us have been in a conversation where we can tell the other person is technically listening but is really just waiting for their turn to talk.
Leaders can fall into this habit easily.
While someone is explaining a concern, we are already developing our response. We are defending the decision in our heads, thinking about what they misunderstood, or deciding how we are going to fix the problem.
Meanwhile, we may miss what they are actually trying to tell us.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is give someone enough room to finish their thought. Resist the urge to interrupt. Ask a follow-up question. Repeat back what you think you heard to make sure you understood it correctly.
A few extra minutes of listening can prevent hours of misunderstanding later.
Create an Environment Where People Can Tell You the Truth
Saying "my door is always open" does not automatically mean people feel comfortable walking through it.
People pay attention to how leaders react when they hear something they do not like.
If every disagreement is met with defensiveness, people eventually stop disagreeing. If every mistake results in blame, people start hiding mistakes. If concerns are repeatedly dismissed, people stop bringing them forward.
That can create the illusion that everything is going well.
Silence is not always agreement. Sometimes it is simply a sign that people have learned speaking up is not worth the effort.
Leaders have to make it safe for people to tell them the truth, especially when that truth is uncomfortable.
That does not mean there are no expectations or accountability. It means people know they can raise a concern, admit a mistake, ask a question, or challenge an idea without immediately regretting that they spoke.
Pay Attention to What Is Not Being Said
Listening also means noticing what you are not hearing.
Who rarely speaks during meetings?
Who seems hesitant to offer an opinion?
Are you hearing from the same few people every time?
Are people bringing concerns directly to you, or are you usually hearing about them after they have already become bigger problems?
Sometimes the loudest voice in the room is not the person with the most useful information.
Good leaders intentionally make space for people who may not naturally take it. Ask quieter team members what they think. Follow up individually when appropriate. Pay attention to patterns in what people are saying and what they seem reluctant to say.
Leadership requires learning to hear more than the easiest voices to hear.
You Do Not Have to Have Every Answer
Listening becomes much easier when you stop believing leadership means knowing everything.
It does not.
There will be people on your team who know more than you do about certain subjects. There should be. If you have built a strong team, you should be surrounded by people with skills, knowledge, and experiences that you do not have.
Your job is not to prove that you are the smartest person in every conversation. Your job is to make the best decision you can with the information and people available to you.
Sometimes leadership sounds like, "I don't know. What do you think?"
That question does not weaken your authority. Used appropriately, it can strengthen people's trust in you because it shows that you care more about getting something right than appearing to have every answer.
Listening Does Not Eliminate Accountability
Being a good listener does not mean avoiding difficult conversations.
You can listen to why someone missed an expectation and still hold them accountable for it. You can understand someone's circumstances and still explain what needs to change. You can have empathy while maintaining standards.
In fact, listening can make those conversations more productive.
When people feel heard, they are often more willing to hear you in return. Instead of immediately becoming defensive, they know you have taken the time to understand their perspective before explaining yours.
Accountability works better when it is built on communication rather than assumption.
Let What You Hear Change Something
Listening loses its value when nothing ever happens afterward.
If employees repeatedly raise the same concern and leadership never addresses it, eventually they stop bringing it up. If you ask people for feedback but consistently ignore what they tell you, asking begins to feel performative.
You will not be able to act on every suggestion, and you should not try to. Sometimes the answer will still be no.
But when possible, close the loop.
Explain what you are changing. Tell people what you are still considering. If you decide not to make a suggested change, explain why when appropriate.
People do not expect every idea to become policy. They do want to know that sharing their perspective was worth their time.
Listen First, Then Lead
Leadership requires action. Eventually, you have to make the decision, give the direction, set the expectation, or have the difficult conversation.
But better decisions usually come from better information, and better information comes from listening.
Before you assume, ask.
Before you defend, understand.
Before you solve, make sure you know what the actual problem is.
And before you expect people to listen to you, make sure they know you are willing to listen to them.
You do not become a weaker leader by making room for other voices. You become a more informed one.
Sometimes the most important thing a leader can bring into a room is not the answer.
It is the willingness to hear one.
-Trent
About Trent Carter
Trent Carter is a clinician, entrepreneur, and addiction recovery advocate dedicated to transforming lives through evidence-based care, innovation, and leadership. He is the founder of Renew Health and the author of The Recovery Tool Belt.
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